Superpowers

I asked the children a few Sundays ago to name what superpower they all possess. I could see the wheels turning in their minds about what an ‘appropriate’ superpower answer would be at church. “Friendship?” a little one guessed. “Love?” That’s always a good guess for the priest to hear.

But ‘words’ is what I was looking for. Words – we all use them, often so casually that we underestimate the power they hold. Yet, in my work listening to others as they journey spiritually, I can testify that for many, a casual remark from long ago can remain a source of hurt or shame years later.

Our words have such power to help, hurt or heal. One of our five spiritual disciplines – those basic values we espouse as those that define our covenant community – is truth-telling. In our common life together, I see the value of telling the truth to one another. So often in our world, we don’t speak honestly and from the heart. We don’t want to alienate anyone. We don’t want to risk being disliked or excluded. We don’t want to cause trouble.

But the reality is that we can only grow spiritually if we can be real with each other, and open. And that means sharing what is on our minds, even the hard stuff, even the stuff that is risky to say. Truth-telling requires that the speaker have the courage to be honest, and also that the hearers have the courage to listen with love. Our covenant community requires us to stay in relationship with the speaker even though the message may be difficult to hear.

These are the gifts of covenant community: That we trust one another enough to risk being open with our deepest selves. That we respect and truly listen and try to understand each other even when we disagree with or hurt each other; and that we stay in relationship with one another, loving each other with the unconditional love with which Jesus loves us.

That said, truth-telling does not give us carte blanche to speak our minds without regard to the needs and feelings of others. God does not honor honesty without compassion, truth without empathy or words said with the intention to wound or devastate.

So often, I find the nugget of wisdom in the readings for the day when I ponder how to distill the message into a form that the children will grasp. Thinking about words, and the careful balance between telling the truth and using words to hurt, I came across this simple, sound advice.

Count to three before you speak. Consider the words you have chosen, and ask yourself:
Are these words true?
Are these words necessary?
Are these words kind?

If your words do not meet all three criteria, keep silent. Keep praying. Keep reworking those powerful words until they meet this standard. Our superpowers are most effective when tempered with love.