Paradox

I’m fascinated with paradox. I love wrestling with words, grappling with two statements that seem to contradict each other. So often the most profound truth is found in holding both statements side by side. A paradox is the ultimate both/and. “The more things change, the more they stay the same.” “Discipline is freedom.” “In giving, we receive.” “In order to truly live, we have to die.”

Let me amend my first statement. I love paradox in the abstract. An intellectual challenge can be fun. But living in the tension of both/and: that’s another story entirely.

Jesus often taught using paradox – turning our common understanding of the way the world works upside down, bending our minds around a new perception of truth. The first shall be last. The most reviled will be the most exalted. Strength is made perfect in weakness. And in the gospel a few weeks ago, Mark 8: “Whoever would be greatest must be last of all, and the servant of all.”

This goes against my A+ loving grain. How can Jesus ask us not to want to be greatest? Isn’t that what we spend our lives trying to do? Aiming to get all A’s? Applying to all the best colleges and taking the SAT’s five times? Strategizing career moves in order to get ahead the fastest, get the best gig for the most money and the most perks? We upsize houses, cars, offices and vacations. Is this bad? Didn’t God give us the ability and drive to use our intellect and other gifts to their fullest?

Well, yes and no. (Gotta love that paradox) Yes, God gifts us with abilities and talents and expects us to use them to their fullest. Yes, God wants us to take joy in using our gifts. But no, we are not commissioned to gather as much as we can, as fast as we can, regardless of the consequences to others. Is wealth inherently bad? No. But are we meant to focus our lives on accumulating wealth? No. So - what? How are we to live?

I think that Jesus is concerned not with our possessions but our intentions. Jesus is inviting us into a way of life – a life of humility. Humility comes from the Latin root: humus, earth, soil. Jesus is not telling us that we are unworthy worms. Jesus is not advocating for poor self-esteem. Jesus does not ask us to demean ourselves but to live in right relationship with God. Or, as I’m fond of saying, remembering that God is God, and we are not.

Humility is giving credit where credit is due. Jesus was always pointing to God – God, the source of everything we have, the source of our life and breath, who gives us all we need. Jesus always pointed to the Father, he tried to do everything in accordance with His Father’s will, and he gave everything – everything – poured himself out to show us how much God loves us.

Here’s the paradox: In God’s eyes, our worth does not depend on what we earn, or what we do, or how our bodies look or function, or how much we are liked. Our worth is solely based on the fact that God made us, loves us, and delights in us. Yes, even you. Even me.

What do we die to, or let go of, in order to live? We die to the illusion that we can earn God’s love. We let go of the illusion that the one with the most money or titles or possessions or achievements wins. We let go of the illusion that we can do it all ourselves.

When we die to these illusions, the game changes. Then we can stop keeping score. Then we can be free from the race to accumulate more and more, free from measuring our worth by the world’s standards.

When we realize our dependence on God, we are free to live, to move through our lives loving God and loving each other. That’s how dependence equals freedom. That’s how the greatest will be last of all. This is a paradox with which I can truly learn to die and live.